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Give me Jesus

I bashed my knee... I barely felt it compared to the symphony of relief in the care evidenced... when cold exposed a friend.

and when i heard of the rainbow, I though of you, and i wondered if it could be true, but words on a rock can wear away and the hopes in my chest sour and become like poison.

So then the insignificance of my existance burns my fingers and numbs my brain. Reminding me that...

The words within me, having no home, tend to swirl and torment the place where lonliness breeds and I cling to you in pain, worshipping in vain, when only silence escapes.

So when i found it in the garbage, i was forced to fight my fears, but your cold eyes didn't match my efforts in the attempt to bring assurance to where only one could actually remedy... The soul of one so wrought with pain.

Suffering agony of indifferent glances, tortured with memories of better days, a slave to this cord that won't loosen, even in my efforts to seek stability, and so my well-being is at the bidding of another.

I feel the waste of my life lived for me, simply handicapped by my need to be... known.



In the end, through it all, give me Jesus.

Give me a home

If i die, no matter,

Give me Jesus, or I perish.

the end

When something so precious to you comes to an end...

Its hard to mask your feelings...

feelings of loss
feelings of relief... its finally over
feelings of brokeness
feeling of freedom... i'm no longer fooling myself
feeling of ripping
feeling of wholeness... its ok to be me now

Within the destruction, I see a glimpse of something beautiful

When something precious comes to an end... it is sometimes the seed of a new beginning

I want to crawl out of myself and back into Jesus

I just need to break down...
and have it be ok

beyond the promise

It is beating in my heart
and he is beating alongside me
God... pull me back?
The promise... I hear it settle
and I make a choice... I take a risk
And I pray
It is one thing to trust a promise...
another to trust beyond...
beyond the promise
I lay my beating heart before Him
The risk... was in my choice.
And I trust

god would

i recognized everything she was saying....
every word was like a hammer hitting home
that had been me in the worst way... it still was...

My heart was pounding cause i knew i needed to talk with her.. to pray with her... to ask her....
"how did you get that? I want that!
I knew this would be the closure.... this would be it... this was what God had been building me up to... leading me forward towards.

looking into eachother's eyes with tears streaming down our faces we sat in awe.
God would
that is all we could whisper
What a gracious king... he gave us both an incredible gift that night in eachother.